Setting Sail Over a Sea of Pain

In a dusky garage just outside of Melbourne, Australia, our subject, Patricia Harris, sets up her canvas and easel and gets started on another project. Will it be a masterpiece, or a place mat? She does not know. This is the life of an artist – feast or famine.

Her passion is painting. Her problem is pain. Not the pain of a tortured soul. This time the culprit is fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. Every artist has a demon, an adversary. In between the light and shadow of her paintings dwells an indomitable spirit that seeks expression through her artist’s brush.

Fog Magazine’s Jessie Baker sat down with Patricia Harris to explore her journey in this issue of “Portrait of An Artist”.

FOG: Hi Patricia. Thank you for taking the time to do this interview.

PH: Please, don’t mention it.

FOG: When did you realize that your health issues were serious and potentially permanent?

PH: I was only about 7 years old when I first found out that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA).

FOG: Do you believe your early diagnosis helped in any way?

PH: Perhaps. I have always had to deal with illness, so I never really knew any different. I think that probably helped me cope with my fibromyalgia and another condition called Neurally Mediated Hypotension, which I was later diagnosed with. Managing my body’s pain is a permanent everyday thing, and it has been for the last 26 years.

FOG: Were you teased as a child?

PH: Childhood was certainly difficult, but there are plenty of others out there who had a tougher time than I did.

Patricia Harris, pictured above, contemplates her next painting.

FOG: When did you realize that your illnesses might limit your life prospects?

PH: It didn’t really hit me hard until I was in my late teens. Until then, I kept trying to be normal. I remember looking out the window on a cold rainy day when our street was flooded, and watching all the other kids playing with their boards and things in the water. I wasn’t allowed to do those things because the cold and dampness would worsen my pain.

FOG: Is this when you turned to painting?

PH: Art was always a “closet hobby” of mine, even as a young child. But as I grew older and watched things fall apart, I had to change my way of thinking. I had to find other career paths and other things I could do. It was at that time that I turned my closet hobby into something I do more regularly.

FOG: Is painting a career for you now?

PH: No. From the beginning, painting was an activity I wasn’t very confident about and did on the quiet. It was never done as a career. I did it for me. It’s my outlet, my therapy and my artistic creativity coming out and allowing me to be open about who I really was– that was important. Getting people to accept me for who I am, and not using it for money.

FOG: How is painting like therapy for you?

PH: It’s like a release. I’m releasing so many things that I have kept hidden within myself. It’s immensely therapeutic. With the fibromyalgia, my work is often painful and slow, but it has given me more confidence in myself to stand up and say “Hey, this is who I am, and if you don’t like it…tough!”

FOG: What type of works do you paint?

PH: I do abstracts and portraits. It’s very spontaneous –whatever i feel like at the time. My portraits are very confrontational: I don’t hide the age lines, the scars or bags under the eyes. This is what I find most interesting about people. I don’t paint “pretty” pictures. In fact, people who like “pretty” pictures can cringe when they see my work.

Patricia’s unforgiving brush paints her neighbor, Barry (above)

FOG: Is it difficult to paint with your illnesses?

PH: The fibromyalgia made my hands, arms and wrists ache. It can be quite painful. But life is painful, so I’m not going to give up because of a little pain. And as an artist, I have no choice. I get these inexplicable urges to draw something. I would grab cardboard, a spare wall, paper—anything—and just draw or paint. It’s like a build up that has to be released.

FOG: And how has your work been received?

PH: Very mixed. Some see the colors I use and love them. But my abstracts can be quite dark because I base them on emotions. So again, there are some people who have surprised me and just love them, but most people sort of look and say, “Oh…nice….yeah” and that’s it! (she laughs).

FOG: That seems to be a common theme with fibromyalgia sufferers: dealing with judgmental people.

PH: Well, yes, in a different way. It’s human nature to judge, and there are a lot of people out there who refuse to accept others and choose to judge them instead. It comes down to how we, as people with disabilities and creators, choose to deal with the judgment–that makes the difference! I’m proud of what I paint. And I don’t really worry anymore whether others will like my work or not. Sure you want everyone to love your creations, but after all I’ve been through, I’m fine if they don’t approve. I’m okay with that now.

FOG: So what’s next for Patricia Harris?

PH: I entered a very popular art show in the hills, about an hour from my home near Melbourne, and was accepted as an artist there. It was quite an honor; it felt really good. And just last week I took the plunge and entered a painting into the Archibald competition, which is Australia’s best portraiture competition. Now I’m just waiting to see if I get accepted or knocked back.

FOG: Interesting choice of words: “knocked back”. Almost like a boxing match.

PH: One of my favorite paintings of mine is entitled “The Boxer-Determination”. It was inspired by the movie “Cinderella Man”, a movie about the life and struggles of an underdog boxer. So you may be onto something!

A personal painting inspired by the movie, Cinderella Man.

FOG: What advice would you give other artists with chronic illness?

PH: Give it a go! It really can be therapeutic, even if it’s just for your self and not for others to look at. When you start painting or drawing, it’s like the world around you shuts out somehow. And just creating something that even one other person might like can be great for your self esteem and boost your confidence in yourself.

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With that response, the artist looked at her garage and felt a greater power summoning her. The garage –a sight rather dreary and uninspiring to me – was for this artist a sanctuary, an abode of peace, and a dock from whence a thousand painted ships set sail over the troubled waters of pain and distress.

 

This was my cue to thank the artist and let the ship set sail…

About the Author:

Jessie Baker is the founder and senior writer of Fog Magazine.