Shopping With Fibro

You step inside. Confusion starts. What did I come here for? Someone bumps my cart without so much as an apologetic look. “Mom can we at least LOOK at the toys?” screams someone from the cart. People are everywhere and I can not remember what I came in for. I know I came in for something. I had a list. Where is my list?

I turn into an aisle and pull to the side as much as possible. My mental hazard lights are on. And I start searching. Searching my pockets, searching my purse, and searching my pockets again.

Where is it? I’m finding receipts, crumpled bills, a doctor’s appointment card–but no list! Suddenly I curse at myself as I have a vague recollection of taking out the list to add to it in the car and leaving it on the passenger seat. Okay, plan B. I need to try and remember the list. I know one thing that’s not on the list: the package of cookies that’s creeping its way into my cart with the sneaky fingers attached. I put my hand out only to hear “….but mom you KNOW these are my favorite…” ‘Pick your battles’, I tell myself calmly, leaving the cookies in the cart. I set the cart back into motion.

I wander slowly up and down the crowded aisles for three to four minutes, or so it seems. Then the panic returns. I can’t remember what it is I need. What if I forget something important? There are people everywhere, I am in the way, kids are crying, some are screaming, yelling. My heart rate goes up and I start feeling short of breath.

I pull the cart over again, this time in a cleaning aisle so my son isn’t tempted to grab anything, and I take out my pill bottle and pop a pain pill and nerve pill. What did the pharmacist say about taking those together? The nervousness has my muscles so tight. I am in incredible pain. It dawns on me that pain is the principal reason I can’t think of what I need.

I decide to go to a less crowded part of the store until the pills have a chance to work but I am having trouble at this point even navigating to a less populated area. People everywhere in a hurry. Why is everyone rushing like it’s the only store open on Christmas Eve? Are they rushing or is it just me?

Finally I manage to make it to the baby department which is a lot less populated and even though my son isn’t pleased, I browse for clothes for my niece. Once I feel the pills start to ease everything I head back to the grocery department to battle the people and my fibro- challenged memory to resume my shopping.

Sound somewhat familiar? This is what people like me battling fibromyalgia and bipolar with social anxiety go through on a regular basis. We have to write things down–everything–or we forget. And if we forget, we get mad at ourselves for forgetting and we make the whole episode much, much worse.

There is really no shame in forgetting, people do it all the time but for us it is a constant source of anguish, because it’s right THERE, and we can’t grasp it. Personally I find that when I calm down and relax, take my mind off it for a minute if I can, do something else, it will come back to me out of nowhere. For example, I often can’t think of a name and it will come to me as I am drifting off to sleep not even thinking about it. If a ‘normal’ person forgets something, they laugh it off. If we forget something, we get upset about it. The confusion turns to stress, stress turns to pain, and before you know it we are in an all out flare in a grocery store. And over what? Nothing!

But there are things you can do to help yourself. I try to go shopping during the week when there are fewer shoppers, fewer kids, and generally less stress. Of course, there are times that call for me to go shopping on the weekends. It takes a lot of planning to stay out of the stores during the busiest times, but that’s the best thing to do if you can.

Also the list I mentioned should be left in a place where you know you’ll find it. I generally make a travel checklist for getting items out of the car: keys, purse, list, coupons, etc. Keep your shopping list with this list. And if you have to go on weekends, there are times you can go that are less busy than others, early morning or late at night generally have less traffic there than midday.

Shop with a friend if you can; it might save time and you can remind each other of things you might forget and keep each other calm. Also you can help each other carry the heavier items and run defense against those awful people who don’t look where they are going and ram you with their cart without caring.

As for my trip, I made it out without having a nervous breakdown. I got some things that weren’t on the list, and forgot some things that were on the list, but all in all I was just grateful to get out of there in one piece.

About the Author:

Maddy Cooke is a FOG Magazine columnist. Her column, “It’s a Maddy Mad World”, appears in this section every two weeks. You can also find her writings on bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia at WannaBeNormal.com.