Why Me?

‘Why Me?’ or ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ Is that your first thought when something bad happens in your life?

Mine too. But I’d never say them out loud…

I know, no matter how bad I think I have it, someone out there has got it a lot worse! I was taught in eighth grade about Rose Kennedy, who had eleven children, six of whom died before she did. I wondered, “Why her? How could she still get up in the morning?” As a mother myself now, I could not even imagine it. I will never forget my lesson in school that day, and the following words from Mrs. Kennedy written on the chalkboard:

“I have always believed that God never gives a cross to bear larger than we can carry. No matter what, he wants us to be happy, not sad. Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn’t we?”

I will never forget thinking to myself ‘If this woman doesn’t say ‘why me’ or ‘what did I do to deserve this?’, then I certainly never will’.

To this day, I hate to hear others who don’t have near as many problems as so many others, saying the words “Why me?” I feel like telling them to walk in someone else’s shoes for a while and gain some perspective on what life is all about.

One of my biggest problems is also a blessing. I tend to over-analyze things. So I have spent a great deal of time pondering these two issues.

There are two ways to look at the first question, ‘Why Me?” I prefer to think of it as each time we are put through any experience good or bad, it teaches us a lesson that we wouldn’t have learned otherwise. Fate, destiny, karma–whatever you want to call it—it has to teach us somehow right? For example, I don’t think I truly learned the meaning of patience in its entirety until I went shopping in a crowded store, surrounded by screaming kids (including two in my own cart) and got in line behind a 100 year old woman with 60 items in her cart with coupons for every one of them.

Another way to look at it, if you prefer, is why is it about you that gives you a free pass through life? Why NOT you? Why SHOULD it be everyone but you? ‘Why Me’ implies that you have it tougher than others for some unknown reason and thus do not deserve any tribulation in your life. But why do you think that about yourself? Do you think you are the only person in the world with problems or are yours just worse than everyone else’s?

The second question, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’, really bothers me. Do people honestly believe that they did something to deserve whatever ill has befallen them? IF that were the case, how would one explain sick babies? Poor innocent children? What could they have possibly done to piss off the Gods of Fate? NOTHING. Therefore, it stands to reason that when something bad happens to you, it’s not anything that you necessarily deserved. It just happened. You can either dwell on it or deal with it. But the sooner you face it, the sooner you can deal with it. And the sooner you deal with it, the sooner you can move past it.

I look at both of these questions as negative thoughts and avoidance behaviors. Instead of worrying over WHY something happened, decide what you are going to do about it. Make a plan. Be proactive. Rather than worrying about things for which you may never find an answer, I believe it’s far more productive to face the truth and start taking action. Based on personal experience, taking action will make you feel better, too. You deserve to be happy, so work hard on getting that back!

Learn to look at the big picture. Does it really matter WHY your car got a flat tire today of all days? No. All that matters is that you fix it. Remember it’s not just you that goes through hard times even though it may feel that way at times. You are not alone. But if you don’t face up to your challenges, you may end up alone.

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About the Author:

Maddy Cooke is a FOG Magazine columnist. Her column, “It’s a Maddy Mad World”, appears in this section every two weeks. You can also find her writings on bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia at WannaBeNormal.com.